Brushing up before marriage

For some women preparing to walk down the aisle, mastering etiquette expected of a wife, mother and business partner is an important step before marriage.

Jennifer Zhong, 34, wants to be ready for her future spouse and family business before she settles down and marries. Zhong, who grew up in a wealthy family and lived for a decade in the US, admitted she learned little about social etiquette from her family.

"Both my parents are entrepreneurs who started from the scratch. They don't know much about etiquette," said Zhong, who recently graduated from the 10-day debutante program at Institute Sarita.

The debutante program, which caters for girls as young as 16, teaches students about dating etiquette and courtship rituals. "Everything is very detailed. For example, we are taught the proper way to prepare afternoon tea and how to play certain types of sports. There are also psychological techniques that we learn," said Zhong.

Shao Tong, founder of the private Deyu Female School in Chaoyang district, believes young women should learn how to be good wives before they tie the knot. As the author of popular books Choosing the Right Person to Marry (2010) and Why You Are the One Marry to the Rich (2012), Shao said that women should be clear about what role they want to play in marriage before they find a husband. "You have to choose between individual success or family success," she said.

Shao, a former relationship counselor with China's largest online matchmaking website Shijijiayuan, held two workshops dubbed "How to win love from an elite man" in March. Most of Deyu's students are women aged from 25 to their late 30s.

Shao said that while some men in high positions consider "social refinement" as a prerequisite for a wife, most place greater value of a woman's honesty and devotion to family rather than etiquette.

Many young women at Deyu enroll because they find it difficult to maintain good relationships with others, which Shao attributes to an educational shortfall.

"Parents used to arrange everything for their daughters, who were taught to perform well academically but not to become popular," she said. "When [girls] grow up, they are often faced with various family-related challenges, such as dealing with relationships with their children and parents-in-law."

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